who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
