I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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