You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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