I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
