Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
