Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
