I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Are my feet made of real feet?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
