She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
