We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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