brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
