I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
