Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
