She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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