I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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