Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
