who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
