I think im going to throw up on grandma
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
