yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
