No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
