In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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