Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
