my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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