i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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