dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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