We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
now i know why i became what i already was.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
