She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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