I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
