i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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