This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
