I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
