somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
