two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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