Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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