somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
