I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
