This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
