we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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