he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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