Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
