Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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