he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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