please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
