Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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