we're blogging at a bar
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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