I wish I could punch you in the face.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
