Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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