the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
