I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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