I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
