It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
